The Tale of Pétíso

As the world grows dark, we pause now to celebrate the holy day of the God of Death, Pétíso!





When the gods were young and Pétíso’s father, Korutuzho, God of Agriculture, ruled the universe with capricious and malevolent will, Pétíso and His siblings held a secret meeting. Chief among Them was Sozho, High God of Air, Who was itching to challenge His father and rule the universe Himself. Also there were Nuvíní, High Goddess of Earth; Vasataté, God of Oceans; and Voro, God of Hearth Fire. All had had enough of the rule of the older generation and the evil that Their father had become. Unanimously, They declared war upon Korutuzho.

The young gods and the old gods met on the field of battle. Deftly fighting from His ink-black chariot drawn by four black stallions, Pétíso defeated all the demigods Who came His way, but never was able to corner His father or one of His uncles. The two armies fought to a draw.

Pétíso donned His Helm of Darkness, rendering Him invisible. Since the other gods could still see His chariot racing across the field, He abandoned it and fought on foot. Still, Korutuzho’s demons and demigods blocked Pétíso with their ever-increasing pile of dead bodies. Korutuzho maintained His hold on the Tablet of Destinies, and thus control of the universe.

When night fell, the two armies retired to their camps. With the Helm of Darkness firmly upon His head, Pétíso walked to His father’s camp, invisible to all guards and sentries. Although He could have walked up to Korutuzho and slit His throat, Pétíso instead chose the honorable path and destroyed the weapons of Korutuzho’s army. Tent by tent, Pétíso bent the swords and broke the arrows of every god, demigod, and demon allied with His father.

The next morning, Pétíso and His siblings waited on the battlefield for Their father. Eventually, Korutuzho arrived carrying nothing but the Tablet of Destinies. Knowing that it must have been Pétíso Who conquered Him, Korutuzho began handing the tablet to Pétíso. Sozho, however, lunged forward and snatched the Tablet of Destinies for Himself.

Not wishing to fight His brother so soon after Their joint victory, Pétíso did not challenge Sozho. Instead, He suggested that They decide Who among Them would rule each aspect of the universe. Sozho claimed the air for Himself, since He wanted to be above everyone. Nuvíní claimed the land and all that grows from it. Vasataté claimed the oceans. Voro claimed fire. Lacking anything physical left to rule, Pétíso claimed the souls of all living beings to be His domain.

Dejected and forgotten, Korutuzho left to plant some crops, not realizing that He had had His shoes on the wrong feet all morning.

The five sibling gods each went His or Her own way, exploring Their new territories and asserting Their rule. Pétíso cared for the souls of humanity, demigods, and all. He nurtured them. He answered prayers and became quite popular. Sozho grew jealous.

In a fit of rage, Sozho stabbed Pétíso in the back, straight through His heart. Pétíso died instantly. To hide the body, Sozho stuffed it into a box and sent it floating down the Nízhorosívo River. Thinking His evil deed accomplished, Sozho returned to His home.

Pétíso’s spirit, however, remained. He did not immediately to the afterlife like most souls. Pétíso could not depart, for He had to remain to protect the universe’s souls from the evil of Sozho.

Pétíso awoke his pet dog, Sérasavasé, and sent him tracking His body down the river. The spirit of Pétíso then quickly went to His sister, Nuvíní, and told Her what had happened in a dream.

Nuvíní caught up to Sérasavasé at the banks of the Nízhorosívo River, where She spotted a large wooden box caught by some drooping branches. Nuvíní fished it out and discovered Her brother’s dead body inside. Overcome with grief, for She loved Pétíso dearly, Nuvíní broke into tears, doubling the flow of the river.

Seeing Nuvíní in such pain, Vuzhí, Goddess of Life, took pity on Her and brought Pétíso back to life. Nuvíní thanked Vuzhí and kissed Pétíso, waking Him up. Pétíso welcomed His return to the living, grateful to Vuzhí, Nuvíní, and His dog Sérasavasé.

Pétíso resumed His duties, tending to the souls of the universe, sending Sozho back to the skies. He was wary of His brother, careful that Sozho might try something again. The next time Pétíso was alone, however, Sozho attacked Him.

Pétíso fought gallantly, but Sozho had His impenetrable shield, thus rendering Pétíso’s blows ineffective. Sérasavasé’s teeth and claws were useless against Sozho’s shield, and so Pétíso ordered him away. As Their swordfight drew on, Pétíso succumbed to scratch after scratch, nick after nick, until He had bled so much that He lost strength and collapsed.

Sozho leapt at His brother and sliced off His head. He then proceeded to carve up Pétíso’s body into a pile of bloody bits. He scattered the pieces of Pétíso’s body throughout the world, so that Sérasavasé wouldn’t be able to track Him and Nuvíní and Vuzhí would not be able to revive Him. So Pétíso would never be whole, Sozho took His manhood and fed it to an eagle.

With Pétíso’s spirit helping as best He could, Nuvíní and the dog Sérasavasé tracked down all the pieces of Pétíso’s body. Nuvíní reassembled Him, but much to Her chagrin, one key piece was missing. She sent Sérasavasé out to look for Pétíso’s manhood, but that was a futile mission. Eventually, they gave up. Nuvíní fashioned a manhood out of gold and attached it to Pétíso’s body.

Nuvíní called upon Vuzhí and asked Her to revive Pétíso again. The beautiful, young Goddess of Life sadly informed Her that She could not bring Him to life a second time. She had pushed the balance of nature just to bring Him back once. Vuzhí tried to comfort the grieving Nuvíní, but eventually decided to leave the earth goddess alone with the body.

Nuvíní held Pétíso’s body close to Her and cried. Filled with longing for Her dead brother, She kissed His body all over. She decided it was time to bury Pétíso forever, but the sight of His golden manhood gave Her pause. One last fling would not be impossible; it would be grand to give Pétíso a memorable goodbye.

Pétíso’s spirit had been nearby the whole time, and when He saw what Nuvíní was doing, He re-entered His body to fully experience the sexual delight. Much to His surprise, as They climaxed, Pétíso awoke. They both screamed with pleasure. Falling together, Pétíso whispered thanks into Nuvíní’s ear. The next spring, Nuvíní gave birth to Huro, God of Thunder.

After being dead and resurrected twice, Pétíso had gained insight into all the happenings of the universe, both in the physical and spiritual planes. He was, in a word, omniscient. He set up His home in the underworld, with a great hall constructed where He judges every arriving soul. His dog, Sérasavasé, stands at the gates to the underworld, guarding against any non-departed souls -- especially Sozho -- who might come Pétíso’s way.

Some years later, Pétíso seduced the lovely Vuzhí. They married and She joined Him at His castle in the underworld. Unfortunately, with Vuzhí gone, the world above became cold and lifeless. Pétíso convinced Her to leave Him for half the year and bring life to the world, which is why we have seasons.

Pétíso is all-seeing and all-knowing. If you lead a good life, He will grant you bliss in His presence, to be followed by a return to our world as an enlightened and powerful being. If your soul is fraught with evil, Pétíso will condemn you to infinite pain, followed by a return to our universe as a pillbug or mosquito, to be squished flat as soon as you comprehend your surroundings. The good have nothing to fear from Pétíso. The evil, though, must beware!

The Tale of Rékaré

Happy Holy Day of Rékaré! Rock on.




Many years ago, back in the time when the universe was fresh and new to the gods Who created it, two siblings were born. They are Rékaré, God of Rock, and Rana, Goddess of Clouds. As soon as He could, while He was still quite young, Rékaré set out on His own, to help those who needed His services.

With His faithful servants, Zhokíhoníro and Sarékapohírané, by His side, Rékaré canvassed the earth, defending those whose land was invaded, whose fields were destroyed, and whose cattle were stolen. He quickly became known far and wide as the most even-handed and level-headed god of Them all.

Soon, all He had to do to settle a dispute and send the perpetrators running for the hills was to arrive at the scene of contention wielding His magical sword that Rívorí, Goddess of Wildfire and so much more, had forged for Him in Her deepest volcano. Wherever people want to stake out their land for His protection, they mark it with His symbol, rocks, either in stone columns or as walls. That way, Rékaré will know who deserves His defense.

Eventually, Rékaré returned home. Much to His surprise, He discovered that His sister, Rana, had grown up into the most beautiful, kind, and wonderful woman Who has ever lived. He immediately professed His undying love for Her, but Rana turned Him away, since Their mother, Rakazhazhíní, Goddess of Clean Air, had forbade Rana from going to bed with Rékaré. Furthermore, Rakazhazhíní had already arranged for Rana to marry Korutuzho, God of Agriculture.

Rékaré would not back down easily, however. This was no mere infatuation. To His servant, Zhokíhoníro, Rékaré promised His magical sword, if only Zhokíhoníro could convince Rana to give Herself to Him.

Zhokíhoníro readily agreed. At the gate of Rana’s castle, he was challenged by a guard, but Zhokíhoníro unsheathed Rékaré’s sword, and the guard opened the gate without another word. At Rana’s chambers, Zhokíhoníro spoke eloquently about Rékaré’s wondrous and loving nature. Upon hearing this, Rana readily accepted the proposal, despite Her mother’s arrangement with Korutuzho.

Rana went to Rékaré and fell in love with Him. They enjoyed each other in every way. Alas, She was still betrothed to Korutuzho. Rana and Korutuzho were soon wed, much to Rana’s dismay. At that time, Korutuzho was the King of the Gods, so She certainly had no choice in the matter.

A few months after the wedding, Rana and Rékaré couldn’t contain Themselves any longer. They had to see each other in private once again. Along with His servant, Sarékapohírané, Rékaré crept into Korutuzho’s castle and into Rana’s suite of chambers. He posted Sarékapohírané at the door to warn Them if anyone was coming.

Rékaré and Rana fell into each other’s arms in a passionate embrace. Their love-making continued for hours, with not a moment of slowing. Out in the hall, Sarékapohírané fell asleep.

Around that time, Píríuso, God of the Sun and Korutuzho’s grandson, happened down the hall. Píríuso had long been jealous of Rékaré’s virility and prowess as a warrior. Píríuso heard strange noises coming from within Rana’s chambers. He saw Sarékapohírané, who He recognized as Rékaré’s servant, curled up asleep outside the door. Píríuso hatched a scheme to embarrass Rékaré.

The sun god took an enchanted net and burst into Rana’s bedchamber, tossing the net over the active couple, completely entrapping Them fully intertwined. Rékaré struggled to break free, but He couldn’t move His arms, the net was so tight. Rana pleaded with Píríuso to let Them go, but He refused. Instead, Píríuso called for all the gods to come see the lovers in such a situation.

Everybody came running, but the goddesses deferred upon realizing the situation, staying in the hallway. The gods entered Rana’s bedchamber and burst out laughing at Rékaré and Rana’s condition. Hívo, God of Clean Water, chided Rékaré for not being able to break free from the net. Voro, God of Hearth Fire, commented in a quite over-the-top manner on the beauty and fine figure of Rana, declaring that He wished it was Him stuck in the net with Her, instead of Rékaré. Rékaré asked Voro why then was He staring at Rékaré’s body and not Hers?

Flustered, Voro left the room, just as Korutuzho entered, assisting His frail and elderly father, Sorosotuzho, God of the Atmosphere. Korutuzho, King of the Gods and Rana’s husband, was instantly overcome with rage. He ordered the lovers cut free and for Rékaré to be banished to the far reaches of the world, across the Southern Sea. Píríuso obeyed His father, cutting Them loose.

Upon His release, Rékaré’s first action was to transform His servant, Sarékapohírané, into a rooster, so that he would never again miss the first sight of Píríuso as He guided His sun chariot across the sky. Rékaré then left the land of the gods, as ordered. He longed for Rana, but He knew He couldn’t stay.

Rékaré traveled the southern kingdoms and beyond, never forgetting His love for Rana, but also never forgetting His mission to protect the invaded and guard all borders. He no longer has His magic sword with Him, since He had given it to Zhokíhoníro long ago, so Rékaré wields a club carved from the most dense and heavy rock He could find. He is still feared deeply upon the battlefield by all.

While He was gone, Rana gave birth to twin boys, Ténuzho and Vusuzho. They are as strong and skillful as Their father and as kind and beautiful as Their mother. When Ténuzho and Vusuzho grew old enough, They joined Rékaré on His travels, always fighting steadily at His sides.

Many years later, Rana managed to send a message to Rékaré with the help of Kara, Goddess of Soil. Rana knew She could not chance to see Her lover, but She still requested that He do Her a favor: defend the city of Tolo from invasion. He promptly agreed to do as His love requested. He and His sons raced to the city of Tolo.

On Their way there, Nuvíní, High Goddess of Earth, stopped Them and commanded Rékaré to aid the attackers of Tolo, the Rokíhoans, for they were the true victims in the war. The Toloans had invaded Rokího and stolen their cattle. Rékaré felt compelled to obey the high goddess, but He refused nonetheless. He had given His word to Rana that He would defend Tolo; Rékaré would stop the fighting mortals here and now, no matter what earlier provocations stretched back into history. He would protect the borders of Tolo.

Nuvíní understood, but warned Rékaré that many other gods were siding with the Rokíhoans. He had best be careful.

Rékaré and His sons arrived on the field of battle as the Rokíhoans were streaming forth from their ships. At their lead were Huro, God of Thunder, and Vítí, Goddess of Ice. The Toloans cowered inside their city walls, but Rékaré took a fighting stance, His stone club pointed at the advancing ice goddess.

Ténuzho and Vusuzho screamed battlecries, charging at the giant warrior, Huro. The thunder god swung His magic hammer mightily, but the brothers ducked and weaved, dodging effortlessly. While Huro swung at Vusuzho, Ténuzho lunged with His sword, piercing Huro’s side. The thunder god swiped His hammer at Ténuzho, and Vusuzho stabbed Him in the other side. Soon, Huro bled from a thousand wounds. If He were to continue living, He had no choice but to retreat from the field, which He did.

Meanwhile, the fierce and ruthless Vítí thrust Her enchanted spear at Rékaré. He easily deflected it with His club, but when He swung on attack, Rékaré discovered that Vítí was using the flexible and infinitely strong shield of Sozho, High God of Air. Knowing that He would never be able to land a blow using only His stone club, Rékaré still fought on. He had given His word that He would defend Tolo, and so He would.

Days gave way to fourdays, fourdays gave way to months, months gave way to years, and still the two gods continued to fight. Slowly but surely, Vítí advanced on the city. If only Rékaré had not given His sword to His servant, Zhokíhoníro, so many years ago, He would have easily defeated Vítí, even with Sozho’s shield.

Alas, love had overcome Rékaré when no opponent could. He had parted with His sword so He could be with Rana; He had given His word to defend Tolo because Rana had requested it. His undying love for Rana caused Rékaré to lose a battle for the first time in His life.

Yes, Vítí defeated Rékaré. Yes, Tolo fell to the Rokíhoans. But do not worry, for Rékaré still walks the earth, defending borders and helping those who require His immense skills. He will never lose again. Rékaré is the strongest, most skilled, most loyal, and most loving god in the universe.

The Tale of Ríhíví

Happy Holy Day of Ríhíví! Be kind to your cats. Be kind to your mother.





Ríhíví is the Goddess of Poisonous Water, because only She is able to use it productively. No other god is as capable or honest as She.

In the early years of the universe, Ríhíví gave birth to the rivers of the world, and then to the seas and oceans. Her husband, Zhaké, God of Rivers, and Her pet cat, Kéva, have always remained at Her side. Kéva birthed the litters at the head of every lineage of cats in the world. Ríhíví and Zhaké have a lasting bond and a strong household, unlike many other divine marriages which are constantly torn by strife.

Ríhíví’s friend Rékaré, God of Rock, is deeply in love with His sister, Rana, Goddess of Clouds, but She is married to Korutuzho, God of Agriculture. In the olden times, Korutuzho ruled the universe and was King of the Gods. Even with the enormous strain of such a responsibility, Korutuzho could have treated Rana with respect and honor, and yet He didn’t. In fact, He barely acknowledged Her existence most of the time.

The mother of Rana and Rékaré, Rakazhazhíní, Goddess of Clean Air, knew of Their love for each other and has forever stood between the clouds and the rock, keeping Them apart. Rékaré grew impatient with this situation and went to Ríhíví for Her assistance.

Ríhíví devised a plan to let the lovers finally meet. At this time, Ríhíví was pregnant with twins: Hívuítoví, Goddess of Rain, and Névazhíno, God of Animals; so She went to Rakazhazhíní and began a discussion on the benefits and challenges of motherhood, a topic which the goddesses had in common. Kéva and several other cats joined Her.

The air goddess became quite interested in the conversation, giving suggestions to Ríhíví on how best to raise Her children-to-be. Ríhíví reminded Her, however, that She already was a mother. To prove this, the water goddess proposed taking the air goddess to the Nízhorosívo River, one of Her strongest children. With a suspicious glance at Rana and Rékaré, Rakazhazhíní followed Ríhíví.

The Nízhorosívo River was overjoyed to see his mother, and so he surged and splashed and snaked, showing off for the goddesses. Kéva and the other cats hid behind Ríhíví to avoid the splashing water. The goddesses could still see Rakazhazhíní’s two children from the Nízhorosívo River, but the air goddess still questioned why Ríhíví had brought Her there.

Ríhíví, who cannot tell a lie, answered truthfully that She wanted to show the air goddess one of Her most accomplished children. Ríhíví then suggested that They travel to meet the largest and most powerful of Her offspring, the Far Western Ocean. Reluctant by interested, Rakazhazhíní went with Her and the cats to the shore of the distant ocean.

Rana and Rékaré were finally alone together, out from the overly watchful eye of the air goddess. The clouds descended to the rock and They cherished Their time together.

While the Far Western Ocean thundered and churned for his mother, Rakazhazhíní asked Ríhíví directly if She had brought Her there so the two lovers could finally be together. The water goddess could not lie, so She remained mute. Rakazhazhíní pressed Her for an answer, but She wouldn’t speak. Kéva and the other cats stood defiantly by Ríhíví’s side.

Eventually, Rakazhazhíní tackled Ríhíví to the ground. Kéva and the pack of cats tried to help, but were ineffectual against the strength of the air goddess. Ríhíví transformed Herself into a lioness, but Rakazhazhíní kept Her pinned to the earth. Ríhíví transformed Herself into a giant fish, but Rakazhazhíní maintained Her hold. Ríhíví transformed Herself into a raging river, but Rakazhazhíní blocked Her flow.

Exhausted and not wanting to endanger Her unborn children by further struggle, Ríhíví relented and admitted Her plan to allow Her friends Rékaré and Rana to be together. Enraged, Rakazhazhíní raced back to Her children, but She was too late. Rékaré and Rana had consummated Their love. Later that year, Rana gave birth to Nuvíní, High Goddess of Earth.

It was soon thereafter that Sozho, High God of Air, rebelled against His father, Korutuzho, in the Great War for control of the universe. Since Nuvíní was the sister of Sozho, Rana feared retribution by Korutuzho and His allies against Her youngest child. Rana therefore entrusted Nuvíní to Ríhíví. Ríhíví promised to protect the child as if She were one of Her own, alongside Hívuítoví and Névazhíno, to whom Ríhíví had given birth shortly before Nuvíní was born.

As the battle raged between the gods, Korutuzho sent His legions of demigods and demons to destroy Nuvíní. The old king’s demigods encircled Ríhíví’s castle, sending wave after wave of attacks. Ríhíví and Her fierce cats repelled them all, protecting the three child-gods. Many cats gave their lives so the young gods might live.

One demigod breached the defenses, entering Ríhíví’s great hall. As He lunged for Nuvíní with His sword, the demigod gave a huge bellow. Ríhíví quickly threw a bucket of poisoned water into His gaping mouth. He swallowed instinctively and immediately keeled over from the poison.

Ríhíví stood over the living but immobile demigod and ripped His beating heart from His chest. She threw it from Her castle’s highest ramparts at Korutuzho’s army, who recoiled from the sight. Knowing their cause to be hopeless, the old king’s demigods and demons retreated. Soon thereafter, Sozho defeated His father and became King of the Gods.

Sozho built a new, grand castle to be the meeting place for all the gods. During winter, the responsibility for tending the fires to keep the giant castle warm fell naturally upon Sozho’s younger brother Voro, God of Hearth Fire. One day shortly after the beginning of the new year, Sozho held a celebration worthy of the gods, celebrating nothing in particular. Late in the evening, Voro fell asleep while He watched the fires. A spark escaped the hearth and ignited a tapestry.

Ríhíví was the first to notice the growing blaze. She immediately grabbed a cauldron of water to douse the flames, but Nokí, Goddess of Food, stopped Her, because Nokí intended to use that water to cook. As the flames spread to the rugs, Ríhíví and Her cats raced to the nearest river to gather water, but Vuzhí, Goddess of Life, stood in Ríhíví’s way. She wouldn’t let the water goddess divert Her child’s flow toward the flames because it will kill the fish swimming in the river.

As the fire turned into a roaring inferno, consuming the tables, chairs, doors, and eating away at the beams holding the castle together, Ríhíví and Her cats ran to a nearby sulfurous spring. None of the gods stopped Her as She and the cats scooped up the undrinkable water and sprayed it over the fire. Kéva and the other cats became a continuous aqueduct from the spring to the castle, swallowing water till they nearly burst then drenching the flames. Some of the bravest cats got too close to the inferno and burned to death, but they saved the castle.

Ríhíví and Her loyal cats stood proudly in the center of the smoldering ashes of the extinguished fire, the castle still standing tall over Her head. The other gods returned to the castle and expressed Their awe and amazement at Ríhíví’s abilities. None of Them were capable of saving the castle. None of Them are strong enough to protect Their homes.

None of Them, that is, except Ríhíví, Goddess of Poisonous Water, Defender of the Defenseless, Teller of Truth, Mistress of the Cats, and Mother to the Gods. Ríhíví is by far the greatest god of Them all.

The Tale of Tarénara

Today is, of course, the Holy Day of Tarénara, Goddess of Hunting, Lady of the Moon, the Defender, the Embracer, the Pathfinder. Most devout Tarénarans won't celebrate till the full moon in a couple weeks, but today's the official holiday. Hooray!





The beautiful, ever-youthful goddess Tarénara has dedicated Her life to Her obligations of directing the moon and hunters world-wide, and to healing those who are in need. Since with Her obligations, Tarénara has no need for men, She took a vow of chastity. Many demigoddesses admired Her strength, skill, and independence, and so They, too, took vows of chastity. These demigoddesses became known as the Tarénarans.

Although Tarénara is an expert huntress Who never uses more than one arrow to strike down her prey, She also makes a point of caring for injured animals and humans, most particularly young women.

One day, the queen of the distant land of Vékavété called upon Tarénara. The queen's daughter had been possessed by a demon and was dying. Tarénara and Her Tarénarans set out for Vékavété at once.

Despite Their haste, the trip took days upon days, fourdays upon fourdays. Along the way, Tarénara and Her Tarénarans hunted the forests, plains, and deserts, taking only what They needed.

Halfway to Vékavété, Tarénara and Her followers had set up camp in a glade near a clear-running stream. Protected as they were from wayward eyes by the dense foliage, the goddess and Her followers decided to bathe in the stream.

As they splashed and frolicked in the cool, refreshing water, a nearby hunter, named Rékavísoto, happened to hear Their joyous laughter. Although he knew better than to disturb the privacy of women, his lust and desire overcame him. He gathered his hounds and bade them to be quiet while he crept through the brush to get a look at the bathing beauties.

Rékavísoto did not, however, have the hunting skills of Tarénara. He achieved his spectacular view of the goddess and the Tarénarans in all Their glory, but as he stepped forward for an even closer view, Rékavísoto stepped on a twig.

The sharp crack of the twig resonated throughout the forest glade. Tarénara and the demigoddesses spotted Rékavísoto at once. The Tarénarans shrieked and ran for Their clothing. Tarénara, however, stood Her ground, thigh-deep in the water, and cast a spell upon Rékavísoto, transforming him into a stag.

The hunter's hounds smelled the stag and immediately set upon Rékavísoto, thinking him to be prey. Within seconds, Rékavísoto lay dead. Tarénara welcomed his hounds into Her own pack, to live eternally and hunt as long as they so desire.

The Tarénarans were frightened by this ordeal. The most beautiful Tarénaran, Kohísohí, decried the expedition as folly. The world outside Their homeland was too vicious for Them to travel any further, Kohísohí said. She exhorted Tarénara to lead Them all home at once.

Tarénara, however, knew that the princess in Vékavété relied on Her healing skills, and so Tarénara decided without hesitation to continue the mission.

Two days later, They met the giant hunter, Surasaté. Surasaté was the son of Vasataté, God of the Oceans, and was so large that He could wade across the sea with the water only coming up to His chin. He was also a skilled hunter and infatuated with Tarénara.

To prove His prowess and worthiness for the spectacular goddess, Surasaté laid before Tarénara all of His kills from the previous fourday. The mountain of dead animals towered high into the atmosphere, so high that Tarénara's twin brother, Píríuso, God of the Sun, had to redirect His solar chariot so it did not collide with the carcasses.

Tarénara and Her followers expressed disgust at such waste. Not even a giant such as Surasaté could eat the enormous pile of meat before it spoiled. Surasaté had very nearly wiped out the entire animal population of the world. In fact, He had indeed killed the last of the unicorns, exterminating that noble species for the rest of eternity.

Surasaté was not dissuaded by Tarénara's contempt. Overcome by His lust for Tarénara, He forced Himself upon Her. Before Surasaté could spoil Her maidenhood, however, Tarénara and the Tarénarans forced away the giant with a precise rain of arrows.

So that Surasaté would never again affront the natural order of the universe, or Tarénara Herself, the goddess sent a giant scorpion to chase after the demigod hunter. Every day, every year, the scorpion and Surasaté chase each other through Sívorí's domain, neither one gaining or losing ground to the other. Whenever the scorpion rises above the horizon, Surasaté flees from the sky. Whenever the scorpion dives after him, below the horizon, Surasaté rises in the opposite sky.

The very next day, Tarénara and the Tarénarans arrived in Vékavété. The queen guided them to her demon-possessed daughter. Tarénara laid Her hands upon the princess and quickly expelled the demon, which was a friend of Kérasa, High Goddess of Water, and therefore unable to be destroyed by Tarénara. The demon disappeared into the aether, declaring that it would return as soon as Tarénara left Vékavété.

The princess was instantly well. The queen and all of Vékavété heaped praise upon Tarénara, as to be expected. They worshipped Her extensively, building several temples in Her honor.

While Tarénara enjoyed this praise, She longed to return home. The Tarénarans begged for Her to take Them home. While on this mission, She had not been able to guide the moon, and so the world had been in darkness at night for over a month. Furthermore, certainly other maidens and animals required Her aid, but She couldn't leave Vékavété or else Kérasa's demon would return.

Tarénara called the demon to Her and made a deal with it. If it promised to never again possess the princess or anyone else, the citizens of Vékavété would sacrifice four cattle and seven goats to the demon every full moon.

Kérasa's demon gladly agreed to this arrangement. Tarénara returned home from Vékavété, leaving behind a statue of incredible likeness to Her in the grandest of their temples.

Once back to Their homeland, Tarénara and Her followers returned to Their normal lives, guiding the moon, hunting, and caring for those in need, and maintaining Their vows of chastity.

Soon, though, it became apparent that Kohísohí, the most beautiful Tarénaran, had not honored that vow. She was obviously pregnant.

Tarénara demanded to know who the father was. Kohísohí tried to deny Her pregnancy at first, but relented to Tarénara's fury and admitted that She had had a tryst with Sozho, High God of Air.

Outraged at Kohísohí's complete disregard for Her vow, Tarénara transformed the Tarénaran and Her newborn son, Sarakazhé, into bears. Not knowing the way of bears, Kohísohí and Her son did not eat well and were persistently beset upon by coyotes.

Sívorí, Goddess of the Stars, bade Tarénara to take pity on Them, especially Sarakazhé, Who had done nothing wrong. Tarénara reluctantly agreed with Her friend’s advice and cast the mother bear and cub into the night sky, forever to spin together under Sívorí’s watchful eye.

Nightly reminded of Kohísohí's vow-breaking, the remainder of the Tarénarans took heed and thus honor Their vow for all eternity. Hunters from across the lands learn from the giant Surasaté's hubris and kill only the animals they need. Demons still try to hurt humans, but always flee before Tarénara arrives.

Some men have learned from Rékavísoto's mistake, but most still let their lust and desire control them. Ladies, beware all men, for they are deceitful and treacherous. Let the most holy Tarénara, Goddess of Hunting, Lady of the Moon, the Defender, the Pathfinder, the Embracer guide your actions.

Crop Circle Photos

Here are photos of our backyard crop circle.


Note the garden hose and the path cutting left to right across the formation. Those are my traces. I tried to use the hose to create similar crop circles, but the grass sprang back up.


The formation was created a couple nights ago and is still quite evident.


Right beside the planter below the deck, the formation begins without warning. No plants in the planter are knocked aside at all.

So what caused it? Did a mini-UFO drop from the sky, roll around a bit, and then regain its flying capability?

Backyard Crop Circle

We have a crop circle in our back yard. A path of beaten-down grass, three feet wide, starts suddenly near our porch, angles to the left, then makes a ten-foot diameter circle. And then it stops just as suddenly as it started.

I haven't mowed the lawn so far this year, so the grass is about three feet tall. The path I've walked to the back garden to water the new irises doesn't stay beat down anything nearly like this crop circle. It's been a couple days. The grass stalks are lying flat on the ground, like someone (or something) rolled a heavy object over them.

But where did the heavy object come from? Where did it go?

Maybe it was a giant snowball and it melted. . .

The Watch Came Back

After several months in absence, Chunlin's watch mysteriously appeared on the floor last night. We had convinced ourselves that it had fallen into the recycling box and we (I) had thrown it away. We even bought a new watch.

But now, suddenly there it is, lying on the carpet at the bottom of the stairs. Did it fall out of her purse (even though she'd searched through it dozens of times) when the purse was upside down on the stairs? Did it fall out of the vacuum cleaner (even though I certainly would have remembered a huge clunking sound that sucking up a watch would make)? Or did the cat knock it around to some hidey-hole that we didn't check, and finally bat it back into view?

The cat never bats things back into view. He knocks them around until they disappear.

So, what then? How did it suddenly reappear? All I know is that it certainly gave Chunlin the willies.

I like Superman's headdress. . .

A real comic book cover from the golden days. . . More at Superdickery.com.

Architectural Dreams

What kind of place do your dreams take place in?

More often than not, mine involve staircases. Sometimes they're concrete and steel, like in a parking garage. Sometimes they're carpet and polished wood, like at a fancy lodge.

Oftentimes, the stairs lead to very tight spaces that I have to squeeze through to continue my journey. Other times (especially in the industrial concrete stair towers), they lead up to handrail-less portions where I have to jump to the next landing over a bottomless chasm.

In the warm, comfortable lodge setting, the stairs often penetrate straight through bedrooms, criss-crossing here and there, as if each level of the hotel/dorm/lodge is a series of skinny bedrooms connected end-to-end by open doorways horizontally and open stairwells vertically. Curiously, the stairs are rarely spiral.

These dreams always have other people in them. In the dorm/lodge version, everybody else goes about their daily business while I race up, down, across, up, and down again. Am I searching for something? Am I running away from something? I don't know.

In the parking garage/industrial version, most of the other people in the dream are climbing the stairs with me. And we only go up. It has a definite feel as if we're escaping something. Once, I remember that we emerged onto a rooftop into the daylight. People were on the green lawn below, going about their business. Buildings across the street, just a normal day. ... Or was there a gunfight going on? It's hard to remember.

Long ago, these strange stair dreams often took place at my great-aunt Ethel's house, but not anytime recently. I recall secret staircases in the basement, just barely large enough to climb through, that would emerge on the second floor. Go down one and back up another.

I mention all of this because I read a post at Bldg Blog about such things. More specifically, about dreams of hidden rooms within apartments/houses:

A friend of mine once told me about the "typical dream of a New Yorker," as he described it, wherein a homeowner pushes aside some coats and sweaters in the upstairs closet... only to reveal a door, and, behind that, another room, and, beyond that, perhaps even a whole new wing secretly attached to the back of the house...

Always fantasizing about having more space in Manhattan.

And so I was thinking today that you could go around Manhattan with a microphone, asking people who have had that dream to describe it, recording all this, live, for the radio – or you ask people who have never had that dream simply to ad lib about what it might be like to discover another room, and you ask them to think about what kind of room they would most like to discover, tucked away inside a closet somewhere in their apartment.

What additions to space do the people of New York secretly long for?

I know I definitely wished for more space when I lived in Manhattan! A bedroom of my own, perhaps, or a real kitchen. How about a solarium?

My Cubicle Has Bad Feng Shui

My new desk is at the end of a long corridor. It's a bit unnerving to see seventy-five feet of carpet stretching away from me. All those people watching over my shoulder as they walk the hall.

I've heard that houses at the end of dead-end streets have bad feng shui because all the energies from the street are funneled straight into the house. The remedy is to put a mirror on your front door.

So I guess I need to get a mirror and somehow reflect all that bad energy away from me. And maybe then I won't feel like everybody's watching me.

If only I had a door. . .

Do You Believe in Magic?

In Nigeria, they do.

Found by the police with the bloody corpse of his brother, a man told the cops that he had killed a goat, not his brother. It was only after the goat's death did its body magically transform into his sibling.

Do any of you believe this his story is possible? Do any of you believe in magic and the supernatural and miracles and everything else that science says doesn't exist?

If you do, where do you draw the line? Do only Christian miracles count? Do only eerie coincidences occur?

If you don't believe in any of this stuff, why not? Do you really think that the universe is exactly as you see it? Cannot there be something greater, unseen?

Yankovic as Dylan

Bob

I, man, am regal - a German am I
Never odd or even
If I had a hi-fi

Madam, I'm Adam
Too hot to hoot
No lemons, no melon
Too bad I hid a boot

Lisa Bonet ate no basil
Warsaw was raw
Was it a car or a cat I saw?


Rise to vote, sir
Do geese see god?
"Do nine men interpret?" "Nine men," I nod

Rats live on no evil star
Won't lovers revolt now?
Race fast, safe car

Pa's a sap
Ma is as selfless as I am
May a moody baby doom a yam


Ah, Satan sees Natasha
No devil lived on
Lonely Tylenol
Not a banana baton

No "x" in "Nixon"
O, stone, be not so
O Geronimo, no minor ego

"Naomi," I moan
A Toyota's a Toyota
A dog, a panic in a pagoda


Oh no! Don Ho!
Nurse, I spy gypsies - run!
Senile felines
Now I see bees I won

UFO tofu
We panic in a pew
Oozy rat in a sanitary zoo

God! A red nugget! A fat egg under a dog!
Go hang a salami. I'm a lasagna hog

Oh my god*

A guy gets sent to prison. He gets sick. Rumors of his death reach his family. They have a funeral for him. He gets out of prison. He returns home.

And his family kicks him out because they think he's a ghost. I don't understand it. He even has his feet on forward!

*Yama, in this case