Green Desert - Chapter 4.5.1 - Bhanar

Séara ignored Pí‘oro, stepping quickly to the right with her gun pointed down. I exited the bushes into the clearing, keeping an eye on the old man. He kept his hands raised. He wasn’t wearing pants.

The policewoman ordered, “Roll over.”

I raised my handgun generally toward Pí‘oro and glanced Séara’s direction. Zhíno lay face-up and naked on the grass and weeds. He slowly started to roll over, away from the brunette.

A flash of motion and someone had my gun wrist––Pí‘oro. I fired but it missed him, the blast deafening in the small canyon. He grabbed the gun with his other hand and I did too, twisting to break free. Pí‘oro’s hands nearly crushed mine.

“Drop the weapon!” Séara, sounding like a policewoman. I knew she didn’t mean me. Pí‘oro didn’t let go.

My wrist and my fingers throbbed where the big man’s hands dug in. He jerked the gun and I fell to one knee as I clung to the weapon.
“Drop the gun, Mr. Kılímı!” Not Séara. That was Zhíno. When did he become a good guy?

Pí‘oro twisted the gun barrel closer and closer to me, his finger over mine on the trigger. He was simply overpowering me. An inch till my shoulder was in the line of fire. My arm muscles burned. They had nothing left in them. I was going to lose. I was going to get shot.

I slipped my finger out from between his and the trigger, shoved it behind the trigger. The muzzle loomed large in my face. Pí‘oro grimaced. He squeezed the trigger. A shot fired.

slowfastslow

The clouds here in Seattle are moving northward almost as fast as the cars on I-5!

True, the traffic is only going 25 mph, but still. . .

Ow

The more often I bite my lip, the more likely I am to bite my lip. The chance of an occurance goes up exponentially, you see, as the lip swells. Even if I concentrate on not biting my lip, I still chomp down on it. And it's always the same spot, lower lip caught between my right canines. Well, I suppose I've bitten other bits of soft flesh in my mouth, but for some reason, my right canines seem to attempt a piercing of my lower lip at least twice a year.

It certainly makes eating apples and carrots a dangerous proposition. )-:

Green Desert - Chapter 4.4.6 - Umo

I threw the gardening supplies in my trunk and slammed both hatches. “Get in the car.”

Lango knew which car I meant: my car. We slammed the doors and we were off. I turned left out of the temple parking lot, headed for Main Street. We needed to track Zhudırı down, get the weapons from him, and kill him. It was that simple.

Lango wheezed in a breath and said, “We should stop at a payphone, call to see if any new police reports have been filed.” He swallowed. “You know, in case they found Zhudırı.”

What we really needed was a police scanner. Gogzhuè thought they’d be too conspicuous, but maybe I’d be able to convince him after this fiasco.

The last known location of Zhudırı was the Kılímı residence. That’s where he left the fake car. He wouldn’t be there anymore, but maybe Mr. and Mrs. Kılímı would have a clue where he went.

Stop sign at Main Street. A news van crossed in front of us and I turned the same direction. The back of the van proclaimed, “Channel 6 News––local news, local heart.”

“Um,” said Lango. “If they’re going where I think they’re going, we really don’t want to follow them the whole way there.”

Oh, we were going to the Kılímı house, whether the tv reporters were or not. I had no other option. We’d just have to play it different.

“Get on your curious-tourist face, Lango. We have questions to ask.”

The King

Don't forget that tomorrow is Elvis Presley's birthday.

All hail the King!

Green Desert - Chapter 4.4.5 - Fírí

I tore the khakis, starting at a hole the thorns had made, and wrapped the loop of thin cloth around my throbbing, bloody toe as best I could. It didn’t stay in place very well and every time I touched the nail, a stab of pain shot up my leg. I finally got my already-bloodstained, makeshift bandage to stay by squeezing it between my toes.

I stood and limped up the gully, only letting the heel of my left foot touch the ground. The creek was no more. I’d ran past its source. I needed to get out of that gully, out of the desert, out of the sun. My forearms were pink.

A side gully led up to the right. I took it, using my hands for balance as I climbed up the steep slope, mindful of my toe. We’d probably come from this way. Pí‘oro wouldn’t have carried us across the creek, would he?

My bladder was really starting to tell me I needed to piss, so I did, right there in the gully under the open sky. I’d drunk too much from the creek. I buckled the belt and resumed hobbling up the rocky ravine.

The top. A view of sparse vegetation and rocks, flat desert as far as I could see––except for the trees by the creek to my right. I limped in that direction, hoping to find the trail Pí‘oro had taken.

The brush at the gully’s edge got denser as I walked. I just about thought I was back even with the clearing when a horse came around a large bush at me.

Epiphany

So today's the day when the three magi arrived from the east to give gold, frankincense, and myrrh to Mary and Jesus. Or so the story goes. Whose story? Saint Matthew. It's only in the one Gospel, written 60 to 90 years after the events described. It's not as if he was there. . .

From Wikipedia:

According to his account, the Magi first visited Herod (appointed as a vassal king of Judea by the Roman Empire), asking him where the new King could be found. Herod, showing his knowledge of local prophesy, sent them to Bethlehem, and asked that they return when they had found him Matthew 2:1-Matthew 2:8). There, they appeared before the infant Jesus, noting that they observed his star -- the Star of Bethlehem -- rising in the east (other possible translation: his star in the ascendant), and offered him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh (Matthew 2:11). The Magi were warned in a divine dream not to go back to Herod, and so returned to Persia by another route. This infuriated Herod and resulted in his massacre of the Holy Innocents (Matthew 2:12, and 16-18).

Matthew's Gospel does not mention their exact number, but since three gifts were mentioned, they were thus often entitled the Three Wise Men or later Three Kings. Alternate traditions have as few as two and as many as twelve visiting Jesus.

If Matthew is our only source, is it possible that he made it up?

Yes.

The magi were from Persia. They were basically high priests of the Zoroastrian religion, one of the dominant religions of the time and region. So what better way to give some oomph to your own cause than to have powerful spokespeople? "Hey, the Zoroastrians believe he's the son of God. Why don't you?"

Then again, it's entirely possible that the whole Christmas story was made up decades after the fact, as well. These guys had a religion to sell, after all. It makes me wonder what L. Ron Hubbard's teachings will look like in two thousand years. . .

Green Desert - Chapter 4.4.4 - Vata

I stood alone in the chapel, beside a dead cow. The braziers sputtered. Névazhíno had left me floating on air but with my mind reeling. Zhíno hadn’t possessed my husband. Pí‘oro had acted oddly of his own accord. But where had he gotten the sudden strength and agility? Where had he gotten the sudden compassion and effervescence?

The doorbell rang. My feet sat solidly on the dirt floor. I wiped the knife on my red dress and set it on the stone altar. The doorbell rang again as I crossed the dark chapel toward the hallway door. I stepped into my slippers, opened the door, and climbed the remaining two steps.

I heard the front door open. A man’s somber voice called, “Hello? This is the police. Is anybody here?”

“I’m coming.” Kids today were always in such a hurry. I closed the chapel door.

Before I reached the corner in the hall, a uniformed policeman appeared. Tall, short blond hair, thin face. “Are you Vata Kılímı?”

“Yes.”

“I am Lieutenant Nıgédızí and this is Lieutenant Vorısí.” Another tall blond stepped into view behind Nıgédızí. “We’re looking for Zhíno Zhudırı.”

Lieutenants. They must be with the state patrol. “He. . .” He was carried away from the sheriff’s deputy by my husband. I couldn’t say that. I couldn’t lay any blame on Pí‘oro. “He isn’t here.”

Both young men frowned, their blue eyes growing dark.

a black thing about yay big with this metal stick coming out one side about so long

I bought an umbrella this morning. I'd always said that no true Seattleite owned an umbrella, but it would be quite unprofessional of me to arrive at work each morning completely drenched. And as Seattle has a tendency to have rain in the morning and not in the afternoon. . .

Totally soaked, I stopped at the drug store halfway to work. The sole employee said, "Good morning. How are you doing?" To which I replied, "Wet."

They had an umbrella stand right beside the door.

Windy and rainy today, but at least I'm starting to dry out.

Green Desert - Chapter 4.4.3 - Zhíno

From the nothingness emerged Névazhíno. He snapped His several rows of teeth at me as He circled, but I knew He wasn’t serious. His tail wagged.

I lowered my head in greeting, maintaining eye contact. “Hello.”

“Good day, Zhíno. Are you well?”

“‘Well’? I have no pain, thanks to You. I have no sorrow, thanks to You. I have no worries, thanks to You.”

He flicked His antlers at me, tossed His head. “You have no hope, thanks to yourself. You have no joy, thanks to yourself. You have no life, thanks to yourself.”

I shrugged and coiled around myself. “We all must live with our decisions.”

“You are avoiding yours.” The words echoed in my head. Névazhíno’s spiked tail swung towards me, four razor-sharp spikes aimed to gore.

I burrowed deep and quick, but not quick enough. The God of Animals grabbed my hind leg with His powerful jaws.

No pain. No bones cracked. No flesh tore.

Instead, a jolt of energy washed through my body, electrifying each and every cell.

The wave subsided and I felt a warm breeze on my skin from head to toe. I opened my eyes. Green leaves fluttering against a blue sky. I tried to soar into the air, to fly above the forest, but my body didn’t respond.

A policewoman stepped into view, gun pointed down at me.

Green Desert - Chapter 4.4.2 - Sétıpímo

The phone rang as I re-entered the station. I hurried over to my desk and picked up the receiver. “Tuhanı Precinct.”

“Detective Marıdırı?” A young man with a slight waver.

“This is he.”

“Hello, this is Deputy Sıvíhı calling from Sémı’ıréíso. I’ve got the state patrol on the line. They want to talk to you.”

One of theirs had been killed last night here in Tuhanı. The only suspect was Zhíno Zhudırı. Had they heard he returned to town? “Put him through.”

The line clicked. “Detective Marıdırı?”

“Yes.”

“This is Lieutenant Shémı. We received the report that Zhudırı returned to the Kılímı residence. Is he in custody yet?”

I hated not having the answer to yes-no questions. Hopefully Laparıpısamı had called in. Hopefully he was assisting Nulıpéshı at this moment. Hopefully Zhudırı had not killed them both. “Deputies Nulıpéshı and Laparıpısamı are currently at the residence. While they have not reported to me, I am confident that they have the suspect in custody at this time.”

“Well, I just wanted to let you know that two of our officers are arriving now to assist you in the questioning.” He paused. “Or should they assist in the apprehension?”

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe Movie

Since nobody out there seems to have a script or an idea for a script or a rumor of plans for an idea for a script for a sequel to _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ movie, I'll throw my own idea out into the aether. Copying the book wouldn't make for a good movie, I don't think, since for a good bit of the time our heroes Arthur and Ford are in Zaphod's pocket and completely out of the action. So my concept would include action bits from the radio series that were left out of the book.

We'd start where the first movie left off, with Arthur, Ford, Trillian, and Marvin on the Heart of Gold, heading for Milliways. And let's put Zaphod and the Vice-President on the ship, too, because they never quite said on what ship they left Magrathea (although the big Z did say "just you and me"). So everyone is arguing about how to best make the time jump to the restaurant or even should they go get Zaphod's other head from Mr Sneeze first. Basically, it comes down to Trillian saying they need to get Zaphod back to "normal" and the Veep (who is a woman, by the way) who likes el Presidente just the way he is and therefore wants to go straight to Milliways.

Arthur gets bored and goes looking for tea. And here's where the real story is. No matter the pretty pictures, you need a good character-driven storyline. In HHGG, it was Arthur and Trillian falling in love. In REU, it sadly has to be them falling out of love (or else the further stories are impossible). Trillian wants a man who's an explorer, and Arthur ain't it. He's much more interested in finding his cuppa than seeing what the end of the universe looks like. Throughout this movie, Trillian has to gradually realize who Arthur is and that he won't change.

Back on the bridge, Zaphod takes Trillian's side in the argument. In the galley, Arthur yells at the Nutrimat machine and manages to tie up all the ship's computers with the question, "And do you know *why* I want boiled leaves in water?" So when the Veep kidnaps Trillian (out of jealousy of Zaphod's affection for Trill) in the solitary red escape capsule, they are unable to pursue.

And then the Veep sends the Vogons to destroy the Heart of Gold. Ford, Zaphod, and Arthur hold a seance to channel Zaphod's great-great-grandfather, who gets them out of the mess because he doesn't want them in heaven with him.

So they improb out of there and wind up in a huge marble cave thirteen miles above the surface of a planet. Thus follows the bit from the radio series on Brontitall with the giant statue of Arthur and the smelly bird people and much cliff-hanging and cliff-falling, but in this version it would be on the Frogstar. Perhaps Arthur could even learn to fly (temporarily) on his way down to being caught by a bird. Seeing a fifteen-mile-high statue of yourself is likely to make anyone forget about falling.

Meanwhile, Trillian is learning the truth about her semi-alien ancestry (whatever that might be) when the Veep does some DNA testing on her. Oh, and by the way, the Veep is taking Trillian to the Frogstar to put her into the Total Perspective Vortex.

Ford and Zaphod also fall out of the giant cup ("Belgium!") and land on the back of a passing bird ("Look, this is utterly ludicrous."). Marvin falls out of the cup and crashes a mile deep into the subterranean corridors of the Vortex complex. After a talk with the bird people, Arthur travels down to the ground and starts getting shot at by Frogstar robots. Lintilla the escort-agency clone archeologist rescues him. She is, of course, excruciatingly beautiful (which puts further strain on the Arthur-Trillian relationship).

Trillian, who is quite clever, escapes from the Veep and her Galactic police.

After a bit about shoes, the Frogstar robots find Arthur and the three Lintillas. And then Marvin finds them. And then Poodoo, the Priest, and three anti-clone Allitnils find them. ("Excuse me, but I have three impromptu weddings breaking out behind me!") One of the Allitnils is shot, but the other two cancel out two of the Lintillas. Poodoo and the Priest escape, but Arthur, Lintilla, and Marvin are captured.

Frogstar robots capture Ford and Zaphod as well. So now we have Arthur, Ford, Zaphod, Marvin, and Lintilla in captivity -- with the Veep standing beside the Frogstar robots. But she wants Zaphod to love her, so when they put Zaphod in the Total Perspective Vortex, the Veep fiddles with the knobs so it goes easy on him and tells him that he's the most important person in the universe ("something he hitherto only suspected").

Trillian rescues them. Zaphod acts heroic while Arthur cowers. They outrun Marvin. Shooty and Bang Bang (Galactic police) corner our heroes behind a computer bank which proceeds to explode and send them hurtling through time to Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe. After realizing they're not dead, they finally get a chance to relax and have a decent meal, or at least a good drink. Ford talks to Hotblack, they meet the meat, Marvin calls from the carpark, Zarquon appears, the universe goes "foom." In the carpark, Ford and Zaphod want to steal a cool black ship, but Arthur comments on the "Disaster Area" logo and they decide to steal the next one in line, which happens to belong to the shape-changing Haggunenons. Trillian somehow manages to ditch Lintilla.

Of course, things go badly (with much cinematic shape-changing), and our heroes are forced to use the escape capsules. Trillian goes with Zaphod instead of with Arthur and Ford, which totally bums out Arthur. And then Arthur and Ford see that there was not, in fact, a second capsule and thus Zaphod, Trillian, and Marvin are all dead (or so they assume).

Arthur pushes the big red button (hoping it's "reverse") and they wind up with the Golgafrinchams on prehistoric Earth, whereupon they discover that the whole Ultimate-Question-of-Life-the-Universe-and-Everything computer program got messed up by their arrival. And they play Scrabble with cavemen. ("What do you get if you multiply six by nine?") Ford consoles Arthur about Trillian. Cue Louis Armstrong. Not a happy ending, but perhaps it can be sanguine.

And Zaphod doesn't get his head back. But I suppose he would, off-screen, before the start of _Life, the Universe, and Everything_.

Green Desert - Chapter 4.4.1 - Bhanar

We’d found them. The only question now was, “What are we going to do?”

Séara checked her gun. “I’m going to go arrest Zhudırı. I don’t think the older man or the woman will pose much of a threat. They cooperated last night.”

Things seemed to have changed since last night. But maybe not. I whispered, “What do you want me to do?”

She stood motionless for a few seconds, her full, naturally-dark lips hovering in a semi-pursed shape. Finally, she replied, “Just stay behind me.”

I hoped for something a bit more vital to the mission than hovering behind her, but this was her show. I nodded.

Séara turned and crept back to the bushes. I followed close enough to hear her breathing. She pushed the branches over her head without letting them snap me in the face. I did the same, as quietly as possible. No warning for Zhíno.

The trail suddenly descended steeply, Séara’s head near my knee level. Pebbles and dirt skittered down the slope ahead of us, into the duff under the dense brush. How far down did this go?

I slipped on the loose soil, my feet almost hitting Séara’s ankles. When I looked up, we were at the bottom. Pí‘oro stood facing us, a brook behind him.

He put up his hands.