Tuesday, July 04, 2017

European Super League 2017-18

UPDATE 9/27/17: Updated standings through today's games.

Some of the richest clubs of European football have made noise about permanent spots in the UEFA Champions League, or wanting to create a closed European Super League. Naturally, I would prefer an open Super League, with promotion and relegation with the domestic leagues.

Since there are too many "big" clubs for one twenty-team league, I have created a twenty-team Super League and a second division with forty teams, split into East and West Leagues. To pick which teams are placed in which leagues, I used the UEFA Club Coefficients from the end of the 2014-15 season. After the 2015-16 and 2016-17 seasons, two teams were relegated from the Super League to Division 2, replaced by the east and west champions. Two teams from each Division 2 league were relegated, replaced by the four teams that progressed the furthest in the Champions League and Europa League. (Ideally, this would just be the final four Champions League teams, with the relegated teams automatically qualified for the next season's Champions League so they have the potential for promotion as soon as possible).

PSV Eindhoven was relegated from the Super League to Division 2 West. Zenit Saint Petersburg was relegated from the Super League to Division 2 East. Liverpool and Shakhtar Donetsk were promoted to the Super League. Wolfsburg, Celtic, Salzburg and Dnipro Dnipropetrovsk were relegated to their respective domestic leagues. Leicester City, Celta de Vigo and Borussia Mönchengladbach were promoted to Division 2 West. Monaco was promoted to Division 2 East.

To keep the Division 2 leagues with even teams, Basel 1893 was moved from the West to the East, since Basel is east of Mönchengladbach.

Here is a map of the sixty teams in the international leagues. Click the rectangle tab thing in the upper left to get to the list where you can deselect the separate divisions.

Here are the current standings.

The standings will include games only against teams in a team's division (Super League or Division 2). It is possible that not all teams will play any such games this season. I will position them based on their UEFA Club Coefficient rankings. That is the tiebreaker in general, after number of games played.

The four teams promoted from the domestic leagues will be the four teams (that aren't above) who progress the furthest in the Champions League and Europa League.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

US Soccer Combined Leagues 2017

UPDATE 10/15/17: Updated standings through today's games.

Just suppose that many years ago, the US Soccer Federation required all professional teams to play in the same league system. Just suppose that they decided that it would be best to always have two equal leagues, east and west, and then divide teams vertically into Division 1, Division 2, etc. Just suppose that, each year, they promoted the best teams from Division 2 and relegated the worst teams from Division 1.

And here's the big leap. Just suppose that we didn't have any more teams playing than what we actually have.

In 2017, the USSF has 60 professional teams. Four teams folded/withdrew after the 2016 season (Fort Lauderdale Strikers, FC Montreal, Rayo OKC, and Wilmington Hammerheads). New teams added to Division 2 West are Reno 1868 and San Francisco Deltas. In the East, the new teams in Division 2 are Atlanta United and Puerto Rico.

To balance the leagues, Columbus Crew was moved from the West to the East.

Here is a map of the teams. Click the rectangle tab thing in the upper left to get to the list where you can deselect the separate divisions.

Since a wonderful home-and-away round robin won't actually happen in each league above, I will substitute that with ranking the teams by points-per-game, including each team's league and cup games played in 2017, only counting games against teams in its division (Division 1 or 2).

At least one team from each Division 1 league will be relegated and at least one team from each Division 2 league will be promoted. The final number will be determined by the number of professional teams in 2018 and the resultant promotions without relegations to even out the divisions. Without adjustments to the number of teams, three would be relegated and three would be promoted.

B teams in Division 2 are ineligible for promotion as B teams can't be in Division 1.

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Killer, the Album

So of course, I had to finish the trilogy.

After Moisture Farm of Owen and The Empire, I had to write the lyrics for Star Wars: Episode VI, Return of the Jedi, set to the most popular album of 1983, Michael Jackson's Thriller.

Some of the lyrics of "Thriller" fit perfectly with the battle over the sarlacc's pit, without change. And Palpatine easily replaced Billie Jean (once I figured how to spell "emperor" as two syllables). After that, it was just listening for the background vocals and differentiating oohs from hoos.

Here are the songs:

Jabba Be Startin' Somethin'
Welcome Back Han
The One Jedi
Killer (Sarlacc Fight)
Beat Him
Palpatine
Ewok Nature
J.Y.T. (Jedi Young Thing)
The Falcon in My Life

The Falcon in My Life

[A Star Wars parody of "The Lady in My Life" by Michael Jackson]

Han lent me the fastest ship
I promised not a scratch
(Not even a scratch)
I'm back behind the controls
And leading the main attack
(Rebel attack)
Now, we get to Endor but no shield reading
It must up still, it's a trap

TIE fighters coming in
So we accelerate, attack
And my ship is part of me
I can slice 'em like a knife
And we are all at risk
From the Death Star, laser blast
So I promise you, my ship
That you will always be the Falcon in my life

We won't get another chance
My old buddy Han won't let us down
Girl, I need your guns full strength, oh
All fighters follow me
Han did it and soon we will be free
Now in we go

And through tunnels we race
Scrape the roof but still we fly
And those TIE fighters still chase
Power generator, we spy
We fire our missiles
And the structure starts to give way
I will fly you fast and pray
'Cause you will always be the Falcon in my life

Through the flames
I'm flying through the flames
I need you to survive

(Ooh girl, it's a little warm)
Let's get out of here
(You are the Falcon in my life)
You're my Falcon
(Escape from the fireball)
I wanna yee-ha!
(Always the Falcon in my life)
I wanna celebrate
(Empire is at an end)
(You are the Falcon in my life)
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
(Must give you back to my friend)
(Always the Falcon in my life)
You're my Falcon and I love you, girl

(Ooh girl, feel your engines burn)
Ooh
(You are the Falcon in my life)
Let's get out of here
(Keep you all for myself)
(Always the Falcon in my life)
I love you, I love you, I need you, I want you, baby
(Can't give you back to buddy Han)
Stay with me
(You are the Falcon in my life)
Let's get out of here
(I don't need to make a plan)
And I love you, baby
(Always the Falcon in my life)
Ooh

Ooh babe
Let's get out of here
You're my Falcon
You're out of sight

(I should take you back to Han)
I wanna keep you, though
(You are the Falcon in Han's life)
In my life, now
(To Endor where I should land)
Let me fly you, babe
(Always the Falcon in Han's life)
All over, all over, all over
(Go back to my buddy Han)
Go back with me
(You are the Falcon in his life)
Let me take you there
(Forest clearing, now I'm gonna land)
I want to go
(Always the Falcon in his life)
All over, all over, all over, all over, all over, all over, all over baby

(Ooh girl, now you're back with Han)
(You are the Falcon in his life)
Ooh
(Now I go party with them)
(Always the Falcon in my life)
You're my Falcon
(You deserve better than him)
You're my Falcon, baby
(You are the Falcon in my life)
Ooh

J.Y.T. (Jedi Young Thing)

[A Star Wars parody of "P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)" by Michael Jackson]

You know you
You make me feel so evil inside
I'm glad I have a son just like you
Such a J-Y-T, Jedi young thing
Ooh

We knew you'd come to me
And you've accepted the truth
Powerful, you are, my son
The dark side has got a hold on me
You will die if that's your destiny
Your master now is the Emperor
We have trapped your friends
Hope is at an end
It is pointless to resist, my son
Let me show you the dark side

I want to train you (J-Y-T)
Jedi young thing
Release your hatred (I-Y-D)
It's your destiny
And I'll take you there
Luke, ooh
I want to train you (J-Y-T)
Jedi young thing
You are his servant (I-Y-D)
It's your destiny
And I'll take you there
(Anywhere you wanna go)
Yes I will, ooh

Nothin' can stop this Death Star
From firin' upon your friends
Gotta see the show, Jedi
Won't you fight, use your hate 'gainst me
There's no conflict, son, there is no good in me
You've a twin sister, your thoughts reveal
If you will not turn, then perhaps she will
You attack with all you got
You cut my hand, but then you stop

You say you won't turn (J-Y-T)
Jedi young thing
So be it, Jedi (I-Y-D)
It's your destiny
The Emp'ra's lightning
Killin' you, killin' you
I want to save you (J-Y-T)
Jedi young thing
You are my only son (I-Y-D)
It's your destiny
And I'll save you now
Yes I will

(Jedi young thing) unh (I'll set you free)
(Jedi young thing) unh (I'll set you free)

Jedi young thing, repeat after me
Say no no no (no no no)
No no no no (no no no no)
Say no no no (no no no)
No no no no no (no no no no no)
I killed the Emperor, killed the Emperor

I want to see you (J-Y-T)
Jedi young thing
Please take my mask off (I-Y-D)
It's your destiny
And you've saved me now
Saved me now, saved me now
I want to tell you (J-Y-T)
Jedi young thing
You were right about me (I-Y-D)
It's your destiny
And tell your sister you were right

Hoo, hoo (J-Y-T)
Ah, Luke (I-Y-D)
Ah, Luke, ooh

And I think
I think you'll be a great Jedi
(J-Y-T)
If I could just
Could just stay alive
(I-Y-D)
Such a J-Y-T to me
Jedi young thing

Oh Luke, oh Luke
Oh son (J-Y-T)
Oh son (I-Y-D)
You saved me, ooh

Ewok Nature

[A Star Wars parody of "Human Nature" by Michael Jackson]

Looking down
At enemy scouts
The forest gives cover to Han
"Hey, it's me"
Starts a fistfight
Luke says, "great, come on"

Over there
Two more of them
We jump a bike and take flight
Chase the scouts
I crash my speeder
Jabbed by a furry sight

And I say
Why, why, guess it's just his Ewok nature
Why, why does he poke me that way
And I say
Why, why, guess it's just his Ewok nature
Why, why, such a jittery thing

Looking out
We kill a stranger
He takes me home to his town
Their drums beat
An Ewok banquet
My captive friends are bound

And they say
Why, why, guess it's just their Ewok nature
Why, why do they cook us this way
And they say
Why, why, guess it's just their Ewok nature
Why, why do they worship that way

Threepio threatens that way
Luke flies him that way
(That way) why oh why
(That way) why oh why

Ewoks scream
Scared of his magic
They release my friends tonight
Threepio
Tells our story
The Ewoks join our fight

If they say
Why, why, tell 'em that it's Ewok nature
Why, why do they help us that way
If they say
Why, why, ooh, tell them
Why, why are they happy that way

If they say
Why, why, tell 'em that it's Ewok nature
Why, why do they help us that way
If they say
Why, why, ooh, tell them
Why, why are they happy that way

If they say
Why, why, ooh, tell them
Why, why do they help us that way
If they say
Why, why, da da da da da da da da
Why, why are they happy that way

I like livin' this way
Why oh why
(That way) why oh why
(That way) why, why
(That way)

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Palpatine

[A Star Wars parody of "Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson]

Out near Sullust, we rebels meet, with our ragtag fleet
Against the Emp'ra and we must beat his new Death Star
Being built 'round the moon of Endor
The Death Star won't go far, 'cause the gun doesn't work, so far

Arriving there at the Death Star scene, Emp'ra Palpatine
And many Bothans have died to glean, his new Death Star
Being built 'round the moon of Endor

Admiral Ackbar told us, has a shield from the moon
And we must disable it from the start
Then Lando and his fighters commence the grand attack
And destroy the Death Star good and we will win the war, hey hey

Palpatine is not my emp'ra
He's just a Sith who will now reap what he's sown (oh no)
'Cause the Death Star must be blown (ooh)
He'll now reap what he's sown, 'cause the Death Star must be blown

So Han Solo set up his strike team, they are rough and mean
But he doesn't have a crew to command the shuttle to land
Secretly on the moon of Endor
So Chewie growled "count me in" and Leia and Luke raised their hands
(Count me in, count me in)

We flew the Shuttle Tydirium back to Endor, then
We don't know if our code is actual, so fly casual (oh no)
Past the ship to the moon of Endor

Their controller told us, the shield will go down
So follow your present course (stay on course)
"No problem," said the general, we headed for the ground
"I said it was gonna work," now let's win this war, hey hey

Palpatine is not my emp'ra (ooh)
He's just a Sith who will now reap what he's sown
'Cause the Death Star must be blown (no no no, no no, no no no)
Hoo

Palpatine is not my emp'ra
He's just a Sith who will now reap what he's sown
'Cause the Death Star must be blown (no no)
He'll now reap what he's sown, 'cause the Death Star must be blown (hee hee hee)

Hee hee hee, hoo, hoo
He'll now reap what he's sown, 'cause the Death Star must be blown (no no no, ooh)

Palpatine is not my emp'ra
He's just a Sith who will now reap what he's sown (don't mess with us, man)
'Cause the Death Star must be blown (no no no, no no no)
He'll now reap what he's sown, 'cause the Death Star must be blown

He'll now reap what he's sown (ooh, he's gonna get his)
He'll now also be blown (Gonna be killed soon)
He'll now reap what he's sown
Palpatine is not my emp'ra
Palpatine is not my emp'ra
Palpatine is not my emp'ra
Palpatine is not my emp'ra
Palpatine is not my emp'ra
Palpatine is not my emp'ra

Beat Him

[A Star Wars parody of "Beat It" by Michael Jackson]

The Force has been my way for nine hundred years
Sick have I become and now my end is near
A Jedi won't you be, and now I want to be clear
Till you beat him, just beat him

Your father, Vader is, and he's an evil man
Avoid aggression, fear and anger, best you can
Don't underestimate the Emp'ra, you must have a plan
And beat him
But you want to be sad

Just beat him (beat him) beat him (beat him)
Vader must die so defeat him
You must confront Vader and complete the fight
You're our only hope to make the universe right

Just beat him (beat him)
Just beat him (beat him)
Just beat him (beat him)
Just beat him (beat him) Ooh!

Now Yoda died and Luke, you're lookin' kinda blue
My friend turned evil, changed his name, a day I rue
I told you what was true, from a certain point of view
So beat him, just beat him

I failed to train your father to the Jedi plan
I couldn't turn him back, he's more machine than man
Don't think about your sister, you must hide her if you can
So beat him
But you think he had good

Just beat him (beat him) beat him (beat him)
Vader must die so defeat him
You must confront Vader and complete the fight
You're our only hope to make the universe right

Just beat him (beat him) beat him (beat him)
Vader must die so defeat him
You must confront Vader and complete the fight
You're our only hope to make the universe right

Just beat him, beat him, beat him, beat him, beat him
Beat him, beat him, beat him, beat him
Beat him, beat him, beat him, beat him
Beat him, beat him, beat him, beat him
Beat him, beat him, beat him, beat him

Beat him (beat him) beat him (beat him)
Vader must die so defeat him
You must confront Vader and complete the fight
You're our only hope to make the universe right

Just beat him (beat him) beat him (beat him)
Vader must die so defeat him
You must confront Vader and complete the fight
You're our only hope to make the universe right

Just beat him (beat him) beat him (beat him)
Vader must die so defeat him
You must confront Vader and complete the fight
You're our only hope to make the universe right

Just beat him (beat him) beat him (beat him)
Vader must die so defeat him
You must confront Vader and complete the fight
You're our only hope to make the universe right

Just beat him (beat him) beat him (beat him)

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Killer (Sarlacc Fight)

[A Star Wars parody of "Thriller" by Michael Jackson]

The sun is hot light, but sarlacc's down there hiding in the dark
Below our skiff lies a pit of thousand teeth all razor sharp
We must be free, or Jabba dies, he knows this is his last chance
Guard pushes me, and horror looks me right between the eyes
It's his demise

This will be killer, sarlacc fight
And no one's gonna save you when the Jedi starts to strike
You know it's killer, sarlacc fight
You're fighting for your life inside a thriller killer gunfight

Ooh
My sword in my hand, you realize there's nowhere left to run
You land in hot sand and tumble down the pit away from sun
Guard closes eyes and hopes that this is just imagination
But all the while, you hear a Jedi creepin' up behind
You're out of time

'Cause this is killer sarlacc fight
There ain't no second chance against the thing with lockin' bite
Killer sarlacc fight
You're fighting for your life inside thriller killer swordfight

Boba Fett aims and blind Han hits him right in the rocket pack
There's no escapin' the jaws of the alien this time
(They're open wide)
This is the end of your life, ooh

I'm out to get you, jump to Jabba's barge, land on the side
I will destroy you unless you drop your gun and run and hide
Now is the time to get the gun and point it at the deck there
Away we fly and save our friends, explosion on the barge
I set us free

It was a killer sarlacc fight
'Cause I got skill to take on any fool like Jabba dare try
Killer sarlacc fight
So let them all explode and end the
Thriller spiller griller killer sarlacc fight

It was a killer sarlacc fight
'Cause I got skill to take on any fool like Jabba dare try
Killer sarlacc fight
So let them all explode and end the
Thriller killer
Ow!
That was the sarlacc fight

Bodies fall across the land
I reach to snare those close at hand
Excited by the smell of blood
I drag them down the pit I dug
And nonesoever shall be found
And not a soul will hear a sound
I'll doom you with my terror spell
To agonize eternal hell

Was a killer fight (killer)
Ooh (killer)
The sarlacc fight (sarlacc fight) (killer)
I won (the fight)
The sarlacc fight (Jedi) (he won)
Ooh hoo yeah (ooh hoo) (killer fight)
I won the fight (killer) (ooh hoo hoo)
The fight (oh baby)
Killer fight (killer fight)
Ooh

The foulest stench is in my lair
The funk of forty thousand years
My victims shriek in every room
I eat their souls, I am their tomb
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The sarlacc, mighty killer
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha

The One Jedi

[A Star Wars parody of "The Girl Is Mine" by Michael Jackson]

Thanks to Bib, I walked right into here
And I know you are annoyed
You will bring Chewie and Han to me
Either that or be destroyed

Profit or die
'Cause I'm the one Jedi
I would not lie
'Cause I'm the only one Jedi

I don't understand the way you think
Trying tricks upon my mind
There will be no bargain, young Jedi
Really just a waste of time

Prepare to die
Don't care you're Jedi
Don't waste your time
Because you'll soon be dead, Jedi

      Don't you dare shoot at me
      (Luke, you're standing where--)
Now I'm falling endlessly
(Panic we will share)

So one guard fell with me, the dungeon
Look out, here comes the Rancor
Now the guard is his dinner
And I'm grabbed by the monster
Into its big mouth I stick a femur

      I don't want the Rancor to slow down
      'Cause I really feel it's time
I know the Rancor has me trapped in here
But that gate will crush its mind

It has died
'Cause I'm the one Jedi
I did survive
'Cause I'm the only one Jedi

      You'll die
You'll die
      No no no, you'll die
The one Jedi
      You all will die
The one Jedi
      (You all will die)

Solo will die (die die)
Yep, he'll die (die die)
Wookie will die (die die)
Yes, he'll die (die die)

Don't waste your time
'Cause I'm the one Jedi
The one Jedi

      Jedi, you will pay for what you've done
Jabba, I think I told you, don't underestimate my powers
      I've heard it all before, and what kind of Jedi are you, without a lightsaber?
Well, I'm powerful enough to kill your pet Rancor
      You'll die for that
I killed it and it was easy
      I don't believe it (die die)
      No

The one Jedi (die die die)
      No, Jedi
Jedi (die die)
      You'll die die die die die (die die die)
The one Jedi (die die)
      No, you will die
The one Jedi (die die die)
      No, you will die

Welcome Back Han

[A Star Wars parody of "Baby Be Mine" by Michael Jackson]

I won't need no dreams when I'm by your side, ooh ooh
I had to sneak in here wearing a disguise
Han, I want to hold you
Warm you in my arms and melt carbonite away
Show you all the magic that a perfect love can make
I will work night and day

To welcome back Han (I will welcome back Han)
And man, I'll give you all I got to give
To welcome back you, Han (love so strong)
And we will share in liberty
As long as we believe in love
Ooh

This might give Jabba reason to do us wrong
(I guess it's still you thrill me, welcome back Han)
You are all the future for which I long
Han, I need to hold you
Deactivate the cold carbonite's embrace
Glow you, all the metal burning off your anguished face
I hope that it will fade

So welcome back, Han (hibernation blind)
And man, I'll give you all I got to give
So welcome back, Han, love (all the time)
You're everything I want to see
The reason that I live

Won't you come with me out to the morning sun?
I promise you now that your eyesight will return
Han, can't you feel that our future's just begun
It's livin' here inside our hearts

Jabba' laugh says something' else goin' on
(Please be still, he'll kill you, welcome back, Han)
He was goin' to pay, you have it all wrong
Han, you got to hold me
We can touch the sky and light the darkest day
Hold me, we are captive now but we'll escape some way
There's no more I can say

So welcome back, Han (I love you, Han, listen to him, welcome back, Han)
(Jabba, I'll pay you triple, a fortune)
And man, I'll give you all I got to give (you're throwing away a fortune here)
So welcome back, Han (Don't be a fool)
(Isn't how it should be, not at all)
You're everything I want to see (everything not all right)
The reason that I live (welcome back)

So welcome back, Han, love (tell me that you love me, just one time)
And man, I'll give you all I got to give (say you will be my love, just one time)
So welcome back, Han, welcome back, Han (you know how it should be, all the time)
You're everything this galaxy could be (everything not all right, Jabba no)

Jabba no, Jabba no (Jabba, don't you touch me, stay away)
Oh hoo (Jabba, you'll regret this, mark my words)
Oh Jabba, oh no (you will regret touchin' me, mark my words)
Our friends are powerful so leave me be (everything, not all right, Jabba no)
Jabba no, Jabba no (Jabba, don't you touch me, stay away)
Jabba, oh no, oh (Jabba, you'll regret this, mark my words)
So welcome back, Han

Jabba Be Startin' Somethin'

[A Star Wars parody of "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'" by Michael Jackson]

Ooh

I said you wanna be startin' somethin'
Jabba be startin' somethin'
I said you wanna be startin' somethin'
Jabba be startin' somethin'
I'm too rich to take over (yeah yeah)
Too strong to plunder (yeah yeah)
So don't you try it (yeah yeah)
Your pain will be thunder (yeah yeah)
I'm too rich to take over (yeah yeah)
Too strong to plunder (yeah yeah)
So don't you try it (yeah yeah)
Your pain will be thunder (yeah yeah)

I got Han in carbonite
He is frozen, feet off the ground
My favorite decoration
He will never, ever come down
Someone's always tryin'
From my hands, be pryin'
Talkin', squealin', lyin'
Sayin' you just wanna be startin' somethin'

I said you wanna be startin' somethin'
Jabba be startin' somethin'
I said you wanna be startin' somethin'
Jabba be startin' somethin'
I'm too rich to take over (yeah yeah)
Too strong to plunder (yeah yeah)
So don't you try it (yeah yeah)
Your pain will be thunder (yeah yeah)
I'm too rich to take over (yeah yeah)
Too strong to plunder (yeah yeah)
So don't you try it (yeah yeah)
Your pain will be thunder (yeah yeah)

Two droids knock and enter my hood
They are certain up to no good
Got a message from their master
Fill my throne room up with laughter
Someone's always tryin'
From my hands, be pryin'
Treacherous, cunnin', cryin'
Jedi falsifyin'

I said you wanna be startin' somethin'
Jabba be startin' somethin'
I said you wanna be startin' somethin'
Jabba be startin' somethin'
I'm too rich to take over (yeah yeah)
Too strong to plunder (yeah yeah)
So don't you try it (yeah yeah)
Your pain will be thunder (yeah yeah)
I'm too rich to take over (yeah yeah)
Too strong to plunder (yeah yeah)
So don't you try it (yeah yeah)
Your pain will be thunder (yeah yeah)

Han's a vegetable (he's a vegetable)
Han's a vegetable (he's a vegetable)
Still they hate me (still they hate him)
Han's a vegetable (he's a vegetable)
Could be my table (Jabba's table)
Han's a vegetable (he's a vegetable)
Could eat off of him (could eat off of him)
Han's a vegetable (he's a vegetable)
Ow

Now Luke just keeps on talkin'
When those droids should be walkin'
Makin' me the new droid owner
This is never gettin' older
Someone's always tryin'
From my hands, be pryin'
Talkin', squealin', spyin'
Saying you just wanna be startin' somethin'

I said you wanna be startin' somethin'
Jabba be startin' somethin'
I said you wanna be startin' somethin'
Jabba be startin' somethin'
I'm too rich to take over (yeah yeah)
Too strong to plunder (yeah yeah)
So don't you try it (yeah yeah)
Your pain will be thunder (yeah yeah)
I'm too rich to take over (yeah yeah)
Too strong to plunder (yeah yeah)
So don't you try it (yeah yeah)
Your pain will be thunder (yeah yeah)

Han's a vegetable (he's a vegetable)
Han's a vegetable (he's a vegetable)
Still they hate me (still they hate him)
Han's a vegetable (he's a vegetable)
Could be my table (Jabba's table)
Han's a vegetable (he's a vegetable)
Could eat off of him (could eat off of him)
Han's a vegetable (he's a vegetable)
Ow, ow, yee-hah, ooh

Oola, dance for me, baby (yeah yeah)
I want you, baby (yeah yeah)
And don't think maybe (yeah yeah)
Come over here, baby (yeah yeah)
You are always tryin'
Fightin' and denyin'
So down the pit be flyin'
Now Oola's slowly dyin'

I said you wanna be startin' somethin'
Jabba be startin' somethin'
I said you wanna be startin' somethin'
Jabba be startin' somethin'
I'm too rich to take over (yeah yeah)
Too strong to plunder (yeah yeah)
So don't you try it (yeah yeah)
Your pain will be thunder (yeah yeah)
I'm too rich to take over (yeah yeah)
Too strong to plunder (yeah yeah)
So don't you try it (yeah yeah)
Your pain will be thunder (yeah yeah)

Lift your head up high
And scream out to the world
I know I am someone
And let the truth unfurl (yee-hah)
No one can hurt me now
Because I know what's true
Yes, I believe in me
There's nothing you can do
Sing it for me

(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff) Oh ho
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff) Ho ho ho
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff) Ho ho ho
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff)
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff) Sing it for me, Sy
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff) Ho ho ho
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff)
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff) Sing it to the world
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff) Sing it out loud
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff) Oh ho
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff)
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff) Sing it for me
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff)
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff) Ah ha
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff) Ha ha ha
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff) Sing it for me
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff) Ah ha
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff) Ha ha ha
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff)
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff) Sing it to the world
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff)
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff)
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff)
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff)
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff)
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff)
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff)
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff)
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff) Oh ho
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff) Ho ho ho
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff) Ho ho ho
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff)
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff) Sing it for me
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff) Ha ha ha
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff) Sing it to the world
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff) Sing it out loud
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff) Ah ha
(Rat a ran win joct, co jappi qoff)

Friday, December 09, 2016

The Empire, the Album

After finishing Moisture Farm of Owen, I just had to keep writing. The most popular album in the US in 1980, when Star Wars: Episode V, The Empire Strikes Back was released, was Pink Floyd's The Wall.

So I got out my cds, my notepad and pen, and started scribbling furiously in worse handwriting than Roger Waters. Here are the songs:

Use the Force?
The Cold Ice
The Evil Emperor's Tool, part 1
The Proudest Fight of Our Lives/The Evil Emperor's Tool, part 2
Yoda
Goodbye My Friends
Vader's Empire/Han's Love
The Dark Side of the Force
Where Are They Now?
The Evil Emperor's Tool, part 3/Goodbye Dagobah

Lando/It's a Trap, Luke
Soon You'll Be Mine (Boba Fett's Song)
Threepio/Set the Trap
Carbonite Han
The Fight Must Go On
Use the Force
Run for Han
Join Me and You'll Live/No!
The Escape
Outside Their Rule