Flag Day, Red vs Blue style

Here's my transcript from the Red vs Blue Flag Day public service announcement:

Rooster Teeth Presents:

Red vs Blue Public Service Announcement:
Raise ’Em if Ya Got ’Em


DOC: Well, Tucker, if he wasn’t Scottish and he wasn’t Irish, I don’t know what you think he could be.

TUCKER: Doc, for the last time, that wasn’t a kilt. It was a dress.

DOC: Then how do you explain the bagpipes?

TUCKER: Dude, those weren’t bagpipes.

DOC: Ew.

DONUT: Hey, guys! What’s going on?

TUCKER: Donut, what the hell are you doing with that flag?

DOC: Hey, put that back! You’re getting it all flappy.

DONUT: But guys, we’re all supposed to have flags today. It’s Flag Day!

TUCKER: It’s *what* day?

DONUT: *Flag* Day. The day we all take time out to celebrate how wonderful it is to have a flag!

DOC: Oh, man. I don’t have a flag. I don’t even have a side.

TUCKER: Please. That’s just a made-up holiday designed to get people to spend money, like Double Hanukkah and Thanksgiving Extreme.

DONUT: Nuh-uh! It’s real and it’s today!

DOC: Donut, do you think I could hold your flag? Just for a little while?

DONUT: No way, because guess what happens to anyone not holding a flag on Flag Day? That’s right. They get pinched.

TUCKER: No they don’t!

DOC: Wait a minute! Isn’t this just like what happened on St. Patrick’s Day?

DONUT: That’s right. Only, this time, Donut’s in charge! Now line right up for some good, old-fashioned Flag-Day pinching! I promise I’ll only grab the meaty parts!

TUCKER: Oh my god. Dude, you are fucking weird.

DOC: Just when I thought we were beginning to bond.

DONUT: Hey guys, don’t go. We haven’t even played any holiday games yet! Like “Raise the Flagpole”!

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DONUT: You know you want to!